I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
