You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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