And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
