Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
