I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
