I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
