Christians are straight up FREAKS
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
