drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
