Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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