i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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