I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
