in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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