I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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