happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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