i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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