The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
