We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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