My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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