Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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