the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
