i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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