Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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