you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
