guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
