i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
