I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
