I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
