i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
