would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
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