I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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