fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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