I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We left an ass print on the piano.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
