alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
