he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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