And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
