she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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