I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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