He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
