He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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