Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
