Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
