I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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