Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
