i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
