when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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