Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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