HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
