I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you inspire me to be a worse person
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
