So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
