I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
