You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
