My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
