everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
